Today I want to talk about YOU.
Not anyone else on this newsletter, but you!
I'm going to try to read you. I will try to identify the 3 core or underlying beliefs you hold about yourself and the world.
These beliefs color much, if not all, of your experiences in life.
The 3 beliefs include:
1. I absolutely MUST, under practically all conditions and at all times, perform well (or outstandingly well) and win the approval (or complete love) of significant others. If I fail in these important—and sacred—respects, that is awful and I am a bad, incompetent, unworthy person, who will probably always fail and deserves to suffer.
2. Other people with whom I relate or associate, absolutely MUST, under practically all conditions and at all times, treat me nicely, considerately and fairly. Otherwise, it is terrible and they are rotten, bad, unworthy people who will always treat me badly and do not deserve a good life and should be severely punished for acting so abominably to me
3. The conditions under which I live absolutely MUST, at practically all times, be favorable, safe, hassle-free, and quickly and easily enjoyable, and if they are not that way it's awful and horrible and I can't bear it. I can't ever enjoy myself at all. My life is impossible and hardly worth living.
Do any of these statements resonate with you?
How did I know they would?
Because they are not an individual's experience, but part of the human condition.
In fact, I didn't even come up with these statements. Albert Ellis, a psychologist, psychotherapist, and one of the founding fathers of cognitive behavioral therapy, did.
He found the root or underlying cause of most people's turmoil stemmed from one of these 3 beliefs. All of our anger, animosity, regret, self-worth stem from this belief.
I don't know about you, but this really hit home for me.
I felt like they were talking about me. How did they know this is what I'm going through?
These core beliefs have been driving so much of people's lives.
In fact, most of the things we do day-to-day and the reasons we do them is to avoid the other side of these 3 occurring.
So what can we do about this?
First, its nice to hear the issues or struggles we think are unique to us are not all that unique. Just knowing that alleviates much of the issue or struggle.
More importantly, what I've done is print out and put these statements on my wall and when things don't go well or are not going well, I read them to remind myself that if things, interactions, and above all, my performance doesn't go well, it's o.k. They don't have to be perfect, and I can still make progress.